-You’re supposed to do WHAT in college?

As someone pushing 30, I still continue to be amused by the little things in life. I’m glad to have found someone who can do the same. A weekend night at home, watching DVD reruns of “The Wire” or “How I Met Your Mother” with a bottle+ of wine is all my wife and I really need.

Bunk and McNulty

Bunk and McNulty

Still, though, it’s been years since I’ve lived on my own, without much of a social life, entertaining myself with whatever I had. I was never used to having someone be such a huge part of my life, so it didn’t bother me. I could sit in my college apartment and watch TV and dream of becoming a star one day, lay in bed and throw a tennis ball at the wall (easier on TV; in real life it bounces all over the place and you have to GET UP to get it,) and just listen to music and finish an Entenmann’s banana cake over the weekend.

Barney and Ted

Barney and Ted

Precedent was set when I was a little kid sitting in my room, listening to my record of the Rocky IV soundtrack, pitting a disproportional plastic King Kong vs. Godzilla, trying to fill the void till the movie itself came out on video. (King Kong was Rocky because he’s a mammal and I’m a mammal and mammals are the best species of animal in the word ever!)

Evil commie, Ivan Drago

Evil commie, Ivan Drago

Sure, I had more of a social life with the neighborhood kids, but when we moved when I was 8 the kids in my new neighborhood and I didn’t have as much in common. For instance, I did not enjoy shooting bb guns at frogs and then pouring bleach on them. I did not like sticking firecrackers down the throats of lizards, or taking WD40 and a grill lighter to ant piles. Nor did I enjoy playing with the kid who’d take us to his house and show us his parent’s gun collection. (You’d think drug dealers would be more discreet.) I had my select group of nerd friends at school and, until I could drive and got my sister’s old car, I didn’t get out too often.

 

My TV viewing varied from whatever Comedy Central was showing to crappy movies late on the movie channels, including such gems as “Warlock: The Armageddon,” “Dee Snyder’s Strange Land,” and anything by Clive Barker. I could MST:3K these films in my head and amuse the shit out of myself.

Warlock: The Armageddon (this guy look like he should be a Die Hard Villain?)

Warlock: The Armageddon (this guy look like he should be a Die Hard Villain?)

When I finally did start driving (and became the only friend with a car), I’d pick up the few and we’d hang out at bookstores, watch Simpsons reruns, and occasionally go see a movie. I recall a particular evening when 4 of us were walking around the shopping center where the re-release of Star Wars: Episode IV was playing, and the bizarro 4-some that walked past us gave a quick look and muttered, “Nerd patrol.”

Once I finally met some people I roomed with in college, it was no longer necessary to MST:3K in my head. One of my friends was even big and kinda cool and there were no more taunts of “nerd patrol” or at least not to our faces. And, eventually, I moved up to NY and met my wife. One of my biggest fears growing up was that I’d meet the right woman and she’d ask, “hey, don’t you ever go out with people?” And, I’d have to give her Pee Wee Herman’s “I’m a rebel, Dotty, A loner…” speech from “Pee Wee’s Big Adventure.” But, I found someone who doesn’t care. Although, we never do watch crappy horror films.

People say that children take away your social life. No more partying. No more going out. But, as long as our hypothetical kids are willing to commit their toys to being Rocky Balboa and Ivan Drago, I think I’ll be just fine.

 

 

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3 Responses to “-You’re supposed to do WHAT in college?”

  1. So….basically you went from being a loner nerd to a married nerd, is what this is all about.

  2. marshall berg Says:

    hey 🙂
    holla at me guysssss ❤

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