-Purell commercials I’d do for a lifetime supply

These are all things I’ve done or continue to do:

Me at work
Me at work

“When I’m on the sidewalk and hear someone 20 feet back sneeze it feels more like they are a foot behind me and sneezing right at the back of my head. In times like that, I use Purell wipes on the back of my head.”

 “During the Summer it’s a little too hot to wear gloves on the subway. That’s why I carry Purell.”

 

“At a public bathroom, I’m not going to wash my hands. Hey, I don’t know if that hand soap is anti-bacterial or anti-microbial. But, I do know what is: Purell. …Don’t get me started on door knobs.”

 

“Odds are someone won’t break into my apartment while I’m sleeping and stick my finger into a baby’s mouth rendering that baby sick and possibly killing it. But, unpreparedness could make for a dead baby. That’s why I keep Purell on my night stand. I can’t stop break-ins but I can help prevent baby-finger-death.”

 

“Masturbation leads to microscopic drops of semen on my hands that can get on the DVD remote when I turn off the DVD. That can lead to a woman touching the remote, then going to the bathroom and accidentally impregnating herself while she goes to clean up down there. That’s why I wipe down my remote with Purell. Purell: when you can’t afford Planned Parenthood.”

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